Blog-TOWER OF BABEL

I have become quite sentimental over the last few months. I have pondered the last twenty years of corporate work. When you showed up for on interview, people told you that they were thankful that you could make it. They laughed and joked, told old stories of bizarre flights and they hired you right away. They gave you a uniform that you were not ashamed to wear, like Brooks Brothers, or Ann or Calvin Klein, you were given an expense account (not that of a supermodel) where you could actually eat and maybe wash the great food down with a few glasses of vintage red.

Crews had your best interest at heart. You got two weeks off if you got married and as long as you needed to have a baby. The carpets and interiors of the jets were new and the wood sparkled. The supplies to perform you job were unlimited, and if you got sick, they filed nothing and you still got paid. Catering was whatever the passengers and crew wanted. The crew ate what the pax ate. There was never a compartmentalized box lunch with mystery meat and polyester bread, with token shrunk plum and saran wrapped brownie from 2009. The hotels smelled good, the lobby with marble flooring and a great staff. They remembered you and what you drank, and your room number without reminding them, people acted looked better and stood taller back then. Room service was an event to witness and you could leave your shoes outside your room to be shined. The bathroom was larger than my present hotel room. There were sometime heated towel racks and hot pipes to warm up the bathroom floor. All these things required thoughts of the guest.

Now, it is suggested we live on 25-50 dollars a day. whether in Chicago or London, no dry cleaning, no movie, no snack and no love. If catering is over 50.00 per person, they do not want to pay for it. No magazines, no cell phone, not internet,  imported chocolates or bathroom amenities, no floral, no eyeshades, no linen, no fine china, no mileage, no tolls, no no no no.

Are we headed to a socialist flying position? Am I supposed to fill up on the vending machine honey bun or Oreos packet? The FBO provides popcorn, apples, cookies, creamers, coffee, tea bas. pens, and mints. If I fill up on these comp items, will I be dead by next year? Or will I live long enough to be told I do not get any Medicare or Social Security, because the government ran out of money? What a choice.

When you see that 25 year old flight attendant in the FBO, you can smile at them and know that they will never know what we had. It is sad in a way. Her life will be filled with only cut rate hotels with see thru towels with no fabric softener,  Applebee's, Ponderosa, a dirty uniform from Cintas catalog, a cell phone bill, no movie, no pillow chocolate, 40 watt bulbs, a banner across the toilet saying it has been sanitized, a broken alarm clock  and a broken attitude.

We knew what the days of Camelot were, and the memory is forever mine. I have lived at the Peninsula, The Mandarin. the Ritz, the Greenbrier Resort,The Park Lane London, The Hotel Gansevoort, they were all the bomb. I can see for miles in my memories.
 

Ever felt like you forgot how to fly? I have not flown in over 1 month, due to moving, marriage and flu, in that order. I was called at 3 am to fly, during that 24 inch snow storm. I could not see my car in the driveway and my little hamlet of a town had not been plowed yet. So I could not do that one. Then I got called to do a 4 day over super bowl weekend, I was moving , the movers were already with me. So that was a no. Then I got a call for Feb 14-18, I was getting married on the 19th - I did not take it because it was too close to wedding date. I never missed my own wedding before. Talk about hot water, a lot of apology and disappointments. 

So now I have a trip leaving March 2- 10. I am at a loss. What did I do before that was so clockwork? My groove is gone, the timing is off, and my checklist of shopping has fallen a bit. Will they know? Probably not. But when you have been living in a house with regular doors, toilets, stoves and ovens, you get clumsy when on a corporate jet. You bang your knees and head a lot. I feel like Gulliver in a shrunken tube - a bull in a china shop. 

Will I fit and succeed? I will let you know. 

I spoke with daniel a few days ago. I needed guidance on what to write about this time, It had been a while. I am going to write from the heart this time, not hiding anything.

I have been on 6 trips in 5 days. How? you ask. 

5 day Tortola, 4 days Jamaica, 4 days super bowl, 4 days Vancouver. 

all cancelled. I am using my passport as a coaster. I feel like I am suck in a permanent dress rehearsal. 

My warm weather and cold weather suitcase lay confused in my car. magazines , lemons, lime and milk bought but not consumed. You are on, you are  off, you are on standby, you are going, you are not going. Owner wants the a/c, no flight attendant, you are not on the overflight, they want a male, they want a yoga instructor, do you know magic tricks, they want mandarin speakers, they want vegan chef, they do not want me.

I am up, I am down, I am still on the ground. I just need a takeoff and a landing, with whatever in between. I will speak in devils tongue, just get me GOING. My son keeps finding me at home, looking a bit scruffy, bewildered and lack luster. He will eat those lemons for dinner. I will throw the milk at that wall i have been staring at for 1 month. I do not even know how to pack anymore. 

I forgot shoes, the most important part of a together outfit. I did reap 2 cancellation fees for my efforts, I will go buy  25 cupcakes with the money and eat them all while I again, watch OPRAH and DR PHIL. I am going to burn my blue and white cloud bathrobe that my mom gave me 8 years ago. It could stand up in the corner by itself by now. 

My unemployed look is.. blue cloud bathrobe, white socks, hair akimbo, raccoon eyes, rainforest expresso coffee with vanilla creamer, pen over my ear, trips sheets all over the desk, glasses, phone in said robes pocket, and maybe a hammer (you never know when you will need one). The dog looks at me in hope of WALK? 

I look at my dog and say FLY? My cat, who is alway on my bed (get a job, cat), looks at me, and thinks "what a loser, come on, take a nap with me." I will never complain again about having a full-time job. I looked in the New Haven newspaper, in the want ads, and where there was 4 pages of ads, now, there is one column. HVAC technician? Surgical nurse? Hospice care? Let Yale University experiment on you? possibly. Spinal Tap test 400.00,????? yeah . Buddy Acne patient. paid study? 

All I say is next week will be better. It better be. 

I have spent the last two weeks in flight attendant open calls. People will do virtually anything for a flight. I heard one girl offer to wash and wax some ones car every week. Two people sleep with schedulers, whether the schedulers are male  or female iI do not know. One girl sleeps with the married pilot, One person sends bottles of wine to the lead flight attendant.

When I was in charge, I got NO alcohol, my car was parked dirty with "wash me" on the side, and I was too tired to sleep with crew or dispatch. Where are MY perks? Wrong decade, wrong economy girlfriend.
 
The art of sucking up is now a career choice. I cannot do it. My pride, once compromised, will never come back. Can we sell off pieces of ourselves, for a possible trip? One FA came to me and said "I will do ANYTHING", I said, please, do not say this statement to anyone!!!!!!!!!!!! I makes you look cheap and desperate, and someone will take you up on it.

I should have pointed her to my 1999 chevy lumina with some wax. There is a company that now wants to pay 1990s day rate, 350.00, and the company is a total nightmare to work for.  The take it or leave it attitude is back, like a bad marriage. One FA said she would work for 200.00 per day, after taxes that would be 140.00, I hope she gets a happy meal and mileage with that.!!!!!
 
Where are we gonna go with all this static? Are we being marked down like Filene's Basement? Do I have to go on sale?

I am afraid to ask how everyone is doing in aviation. A lot of checking in with people - is really asking how their job is. That all seems so tentative - like skating on thin ice. I like to avoid family secrets, bad news, unemployment and loss of any sort. It is getting to a point in my life, that flying can no longer define who I am and what I am about. I am really disengaging -flying, it is like taking off a wet bathing suit. When something wears me out to the point of non-recognition, I take a break from it and it is taking a break from me. I get the pink slip on Monday. Pink slip, why do they call it that? Anyone know? Should be grey slip to match the New England sky.

 

So this is what I am about without flights.

I like happy hour

I can make all family functions

I know what is in my fridge.

I keep medical appointments.

I answer the phone.

I go to Costco, not in a rush anymore.

I can remember birthdays.

I attend weddings.

I am a member of a book club.

I now know five more people in my town who are not in aviation.

I can attend sales.

I can show up for job interviews.

I can volunteer at the church and work in the food bank.

I have finished 4 books.

My front porch is swept.

My son is not a juvenile delinquent yet.

He actually wears fresh socks every day, cuz I had other suspicions.

I make my root coloring appt.

I have nail fill on time.

I do not miss it right now, but check in with me in 6 weeks.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!.............I woke up this crisp winter morning and i was curled up under the down comforter in a pensive mood. Glad to say goodbye to 2008, it was my first holiday i have ever had, that i was laid off. This sort of took the shine off my pumpkin brithere and sistera, let me tell you. BUT. lemonade is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to do all the things i put off while flying.

1. Take better care of myself. vitamins, drink more water, have more fish, reintroduce a vegetable once in a while, and stop attacking the can of chocolate frosting at 3 am. Hormones!

2.  Take a writing class, i need one. That is obvious, right?

3. Hang more with my brother and sister. My brother is as funny as chevy chase and my sister takes a lot of heat for wearing those talbot sweaters with the santa on them. I have tattoos for god sakes, we are polar opposites and I love her.

4. Stop stressing about money, I lost most of it. I can always sell a kidney.

5. Take an asian fusion cooking class and a cuban cooking class.

6. Make plans to go stuff. I would always wander away when peoples would take out their planners. I could not commit

7. Road trips! I hate to fly on the "I DUNNO" airlines

8. Get a six pack

9. Electrocute myself if I have a negative thought

10. Let people see me vulnerable

11. Turn off the lights, detail my truck, and do not take too much shit.

12. Read more, go to movies instead of shopping

13. Sit in the park, hang with my animals.

14. Recycle

15. Read the new york times.

16. Be a better friend

17. Pedicure the gargoyle feet more

18. Church

19. Drive slower

20. Get off Nicorette gum

HAPPY NEW YEAR DANIEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The market used to mean good things. profit, gain, a place to meet, to get the latest news, fresh vegetables, fruit, a job, who was the best craftmans.... it all dated back to the 14 century. Now when the market is mentioned, i gasp. does anyone, especailly in aviation, have a plan b when their bread and butter has turned to toast? I do not.

I never had any really rich uncles, my mom died penniless, my brother and sister are teachers, i have no inventions on  the horizon, i do have a morgage, but i have a car payment, insurance, college fund to fill and about 5000.00 in general credit card debt. I have been so broke, i slept in my car in college and have eaten ketchup as a food group.I was 19 and had no fear!

At least the car i lived in for 2 weeks, had a heater and I was too proud to tell anyone I was broke. I lived on cheese puffs, coffee and thank god i did not turn orange from all the food coloring ingesting that nutritious snack, I am healthy and so is my son.

The hair color and manicures have gone, the coupons get clipped, and i try to walk to town now instead of jumping in my truck to go 1/2 mile. I do not buy brand, the yoga class never got signed up for, and i put flyers around the neighborhood for errand running. There is alot of pasta in my kitchen, and I buy in bulk. I pray that tomorrow i will not see another atrocity in the financials. Can I sell a kidney? Can i do without my mad money? will my son get his college fund? Can I ever retire?

No one can answer this.
I can still muster up a starbucks once in a while, and i now need my friends and family closer than ever, which is not a bad thing.

The junk I eat on corporate jets is amazing! I am on the crushing verge of vegetarianism after watching Super Size Me, a documentary film by Morgan Spurlock. It is a film about fast food and McDonald’s, and the ravaging health trouble it causes. I do well nutritionally when I am home. But a few takeoffs and landing later..............hmmmm. 

I am a pig at 41,000 ft. Rudy's whipped cream, tablespoons of it, chocolate chip cookies, 3 of them, chocolate mousse, 1 serving, I pick off all the mango off the fruit tray(saving grace), Chocolate covered strawberries, peach pie, 1 sliver, birthday cake for the icing, sugar babies, lays potato chips, chicken fingers, deep fried, with bbq sauce and a coke. I eat out of boredom. I am 6 ft tall and weight 140. Not bad, but my insides sometimes are coated in sugar. And forget about the mood that come after. 

When I open up the catering boxes, it is like Christmas morning. I do not keep tempting food in my house. So please, spare your crew and passengers from the cash axe, eat wisely. Do not try this on the a/c.

I just spent 72 house with my family. My bother Bill is a teach, my older sister is a teacher, my Brother-In-Law (a teacher), my Cousins are nurses, my Dad was a dentist, my Uncle was priest, my Aunt was Nun. So I have should have read a lot of books, been prayerful and holy, with straight white teeth. (ABOUT ONE THIRD OF THIS IS TRUE). 

Anyway, what the hell am I getting at? Oh, Yeah the persecution complex. No one of the above “God Fearing” straight laced people in the above sentences, wanted me to be in aviation. It is dangerous, it will kill you, aren't you afraid to fly, what about the drunks? (LIKE I DO NOT HAVE THAT IN MY FAMILY), Could‘nt  you get a normal job? 

When are you going to grow up? Have you been laid off yet? Why don’t you teach or try the post office? Do you only serve nuts? When are you going to get a job where you are around more so we can hang out? 

The last statement was enough! I fly for “Sanity Sake”! The away time helps me be the calm, I like to travel, I tried clerical, teaching, skip the nun thing, I tried being a booking agent, scheduler, nothing worked, so well as saying goodbye for now.