Blog-TOWER OF BABEL

I have become quite sentimental over the last few months. I have pondered the last twenty years of corporate work. When you showed up for on interview, people told you that they were thankful that you could make it. They laughed and joked, told old stories of bizarre flights and they hired you right away. They gave you a uniform that you were not ashamed to wear, like Brooks Brothers, or Ann or Calvin Klein, you were given an expense account (not that of a supermodel) where you could actually eat and maybe wash the great food down with a few glasses of vintage red.

Crews had your best interest at heart. You got two weeks off if you got married and as long as you needed to have a baby. The carpets and interiors of the jets were new and the wood sparkled. The supplies to perform you job were unlimited, and if you got sick, they filed nothing and you still got paid. Catering was whatever the passengers and crew wanted. The crew ate what the pax ate. There was never a compartmentalized box lunch with mystery meat and polyester bread, with token shrunk plum and saran wrapped brownie from 2009. The hotels smelled good, the lobby with marble flooring and a great staff. They remembered you and what you drank, and your room number without reminding them, people acted looked better and stood taller back then. Room service was an event to witness and you could leave your shoes outside your room to be shined. The bathroom was larger than my present hotel room. There were sometime heated towel racks and hot pipes to warm up the bathroom floor. All these things required thoughts of the guest.

Now, it is suggested we live on 25-50 dollars a day. whether in Chicago or London, no dry cleaning, no movie, no snack and no love. If catering is over 50.00 per person, they do not want to pay for it. No magazines, no cell phone, not internet,  imported chocolates or bathroom amenities, no floral, no eyeshades, no linen, no fine china, no mileage, no tolls, no no no no.

Are we headed to a socialist flying position? Am I supposed to fill up on the vending machine honey bun or Oreos packet? The FBO provides popcorn, apples, cookies, creamers, coffee, tea bas. pens, and mints. If I fill up on these comp items, will I be dead by next year? Or will I live long enough to be told I do not get any Medicare or Social Security, because the government ran out of money? What a choice.

When you see that 25 year old flight attendant in the FBO, you can smile at them and know that they will never know what we had. It is sad in a way. Her life will be filled with only cut rate hotels with see thru towels with no fabric softener,  Applebee's, Ponderosa, a dirty uniform from Cintas catalog, a cell phone bill, no movie, no pillow chocolate, 40 watt bulbs, a banner across the toilet saying it has been sanitized, a broken alarm clock  and a broken attitude.

We knew what the days of Camelot were, and the memory is forever mine. I have lived at the Peninsula, The Mandarin. the Ritz, the Greenbrier Resort,The Park Lane London, The Hotel Gansevoort, they were all the bomb. I can see for miles in my memories.
 

It seemed like such an innocent trip. Commercial out to Van Nuys AC, crew rest for 16 hours then home.

My 3:55 p.m. Continental flight to Burbank was shockingly on time. I would fly to San Francisco, landing at 7:07 p.m., wait 1 hour, board another plane @ 8:10 p.m. to Burbank, then catch a cab to the Warmer Center Marriott, be there by 10 p.m., I boarded, got a window seat and the flight attendants seemed rested. The door shut, and we were on our way. I was still a bit suspect. 

We were getting pulled out by a tug, and it felt like we went over a speed bump. The captain got on the pa and said the tug to the plane broke, ugh.  25 minutes later, we get another one, get on the runway and all traffic to the west (ATC) shut down due to weather. We had to get rerouted. 2 hours later, we finally took off. I know i missed my connection. Another aviation adventure, or mishap. 

I get to San Francisco, at 9:30, there are no flights to Burbank till morning, 7:00 a.m. next day. I ask where the baggage claim was and when the carousel stopped with no bag. My heart dropped, I do not just want to put in my claim and leave? So I wait with 5 other people from my flight, yes, I know, never check a bag, 2 hours later I get my bag.

It is now 11:30 p.m.. The airlines gave me a pink voucher, with 12 hotel phone numbers on it. I call all of them. When they hear you have a voucher, they are booked. The oracle convention is in town as well. No hotel. I am looking at park benches, the floor, or some overhang. It is now 12:30 am.  

I finally get a room at the Doubletree for $159.90, the guy in front on me, wants the extra free cookies, free internet, has AARP vouchers, green stamps, old lucky bottle caps, Hilton, Travel Lodge, VA coupons from WW II, and needs directions as to how and where to park his RV, which he also wants for free, the free breakfast, and who else knows what!

I glare at the 8 people behind me and we just want the mafia to come in and do a drive by shooting to this hayseed aptly named VERNON.

I get a 4:30 a.m. wake up call, get to my room, and the key does not work! How many people has this happened to, oh by the way my room was the last room down the hall. I walk/cry back to the front desk. Get another key, eat my cookie and pass out in my clothes. I get up at 4:30 a.m., to try again.

I get down to the lobby at 5:15 a.m. There are at least 30 southwest employees drinking coffee. I am thinking the airport shut down. My own fear made me jump to this conclusion. I get to Continental to check in and get vectored all over the place. They tell me I have to go to the "special arrangement" window. I am about to cry. The security line on a thursday morning, SFO airport, is out the door. I still have no ticket. I get in the special line and get my special ticket, and do not check my special bags. It takes me 42 minutes to go thru security. It is now 6:40am., my flight leaves at 7:00 a.m.

The gate is close, that is the only reason I made it. If it have been concourse E, and I was at concourse A, I would still be in SFO.

I board, and just hold my breath. The plane pulls out, taxis, and takes off. I arrive at BUR 8:20 a.m., get in a cab, the taxi driver does not want to take cc cards, I empty all my wallet into his wallet. I get to the Marriott, likes it is the gates of heaven. I want to kiss the ground. My key works, all is forgotten and forgiven.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!.............I woke up this crisp winter morning and i was curled up under the down comforter in a pensive mood. Glad to say goodbye to 2008, it was my first holiday i have ever had, that i was laid off. This sort of took the shine off my pumpkin brithere and sistera, let me tell you. BUT. lemonade is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to do all the things i put off while flying.

1. Take better care of myself. vitamins, drink more water, have more fish, reintroduce a vegetable once in a while, and stop attacking the can of chocolate frosting at 3 am. Hormones!

2.  Take a writing class, i need one. That is obvious, right?

3. Hang more with my brother and sister. My brother is as funny as chevy chase and my sister takes a lot of heat for wearing those talbot sweaters with the santa on them. I have tattoos for god sakes, we are polar opposites and I love her.

4. Stop stressing about money, I lost most of it. I can always sell a kidney.

5. Take an asian fusion cooking class and a cuban cooking class.

6. Make plans to go stuff. I would always wander away when peoples would take out their planners. I could not commit

7. Road trips! I hate to fly on the "I DUNNO" airlines

8. Get a six pack

9. Electrocute myself if I have a negative thought

10. Let people see me vulnerable

11. Turn off the lights, detail my truck, and do not take too much shit.

12. Read more, go to movies instead of shopping

13. Sit in the park, hang with my animals.

14. Recycle

15. Read the new york times.

16. Be a better friend

17. Pedicure the gargoyle feet more

18. Church

19. Drive slower

20. Get off Nicorette gum

HAPPY NEW YEAR DANIEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!