Blog-TOWER OF BABEL

Being an adult is frigging exhausting lately. everyone is still getting laid off., nice people, people with authenticity. I watched the state of CT "numbers", yep we are broke. I am noticing all this because I have been sick for 10 days straight, no break. I resent the  cough, the sick stomach and the lack of appetite for food , or  for thought. On top of all this, I have been avoiding all aviation peeps, because I do not want to hear about another fatality. My head is under the mud.

I was just thinking things were going to get better. Now we all have months written on us like bar codes, "I am March, and you? "I am December". We stand in a line like a court martial against a dismal landscape These are DOUs, dates of unemployment. We all think we are going to wait a year. A dear friend may get a 3 week on and 3 week off Taipae (or is it tilapia?), schedule. If this cancels on her, I swear i am going to start swinging. If you want a trip to cancel, put this lovely on it.

And do people, couples stay together during this limbo/purgatory/hell? I did not make that stat. I think deep down, instead of the "eyes are the first thing to go", the finances are the first to go, there will be a stampede to the door. Your self worth and all the psych-babble stuff is stirred up and served not so neat.

I walk around the house, thinking i just made Ben’s bed, and there it lay, unmade. I am shocked. My thoughts made it, but I started to do it, and then my unemployed self started to play with the blinds on the window. Then I walked out of the room, thinking I made the bed. This happens to me all the time now, because I hit, what I call, the 90 day mark of mind sludge.

I may go back to school in sep, but my brain is on the milk carton, and the photo of it is small, and looks like everyone else. See, I still have hope..

So I keep getting theses yellow envelopes for peoples bank,multiple bile colored envelopes , total bounced check and returned check fees totaling 250.00. I asked the bank manager if I was going to be taken off to jail They do have lot of jails in ct. The women's jail is far worse than the mens. more bickering. probably no hormone  replacement, Xanax or tequila  there.

Being broke is sort of like a prison sentence. No freedom, no joy ,no national enquirer bought in the check out line. Now I read it and put it back. The cashier leers and says to herself, she must work for an aviation company. I used to love this aviation company, It was pristine, lovely and I was proud to be a part of its mechanisms. It will be great again too, but I cannot go back there. Too much history, like an old boyfriend, once hurt, I lie in wait for more disappointment.   It is never the same, i lay an broken woman. 

So back to talking about prison, if I did have to go. Would I have a roommate that I called Bitch? Would they pair me up with another flight attendant who wrote bad checks, or would I get a bank robber or a mass murderer? I would like the bank robber because, in this economy, i am going to need a new trade. Murder was thought of this week, but it is a messy occupation. Do they have a resume center there? Can I collect unemployment whilst living with my bitch? Can I get on Ameritrade? Do they have vegetarian fare? Church? Pilates? Coke machine? Quarters? Meditation classes? Only one phone call a day? Any thoughts?