Blog-TOWER OF BABEL

I feel like I have been a frozen leg of lamb equipped with freezer burn, forgotten in the bottom of basement freezer. Has this been the longest darkest winter ever?

My parents taught me thru fear. They did not administer to soft spoken lessons that I give Ben. I try to teach him thru "love and logic".

When I discovered I was pregnant, I had to look back on how I was reared, and It was now, really funny. Then, it was not. 

The Irish Catholic God was accountable for pretty much everything, your thoughts, actions and deeds. I remember burying my hamster with a cross, holy water and a little casket, talking to this little dead furry body, saying "you must repent" this was to wash away "hammy's" wanderlust and sinful ways. I was convinced all freedom, fun and racy  thoughts about someone else’s body, was going to make me burn in hell like a million stars. I tried to picture hell at age 12. 

Of course it was all shades of red, fires everywhere, people running, moaning, screaming. All my teachers were there, because, in my mind, I sent them there a few times. Hitler was there, Machiavelli James Dean, Charles Milles Manson was going there, the woman down the street who beat her kids, she was there. The dog who bit me when I was 6 was there, and all the kids who called me skeleton in grade school, had a row of bus seat with their names on them in hell.  The guy who broke my heart when I was 13, he had a seat as well. The gossipy girls in my class were on their way there, and the creepy guy in the candy store was there. 

My parents told me that if I did not do as they asked, academically and in the house, that they would drop me off at the orphanage, "for a trade". Yes, i did believe this. I would want to know where the orphanage was, to sort of get a look see at my new digs.

I always wondered about the "birds and the bees". I still have not gotten that "talk". Ask your mother, ask your father. I was bounced around, back and forth, until the "fast girl ", debby told me. I almost threw up. I could never picture my own parents partaking in such savage liaisons. 

My parents also used the hell phrase on dating. My father would answer to door of the impending date, and interview him as if he was going to be performing brain surgery. Not many boys were fond of this torture. If I partook in any FUN, there would be a lightening bolt, going thru my head, that only my parents could see. I was going to start wearing a hat, so they could not see the bolt. This was counterproductive. 

I was also told if I frowned my face would freeze like that. If I was not married by age 23, I was to be an old maid. If I married outside of my religion, I should be banished to a life of incredible unhappiness. If I did not bring up my kids catholic, i would never be spoken to again. If I came home pregnant, I was just to pack my bags and leave, and never contact them again. Al these things involve leaving without wanting to leave. If I stole, my hands would fall off. If I complained about walking to school, my parents walked to school with no feet, in 3 foot snow drifts, with no coat, hat or gloves. Money does not grow on trees was another. There are people starving in china, was another. 

If you lie, your tongue will fall out or your nose will grow longer. If you get fat, no one will love you. If you do not have a job, people will think you are lazy. If you do not make the curfew, we will lock you out. 

So why am I so normal?

Aviation has wiped out all of my catholic guilt, I have made me normal, free spirited, and possess a devil may care attitude. It has saved me from a a frightful life. I am still catholic by the way, just not a small time girl type catholic.

I was thinking the other day, sometimes there is a lot of freakish behavior on corporate jets.

Things i have seen and was asked to do.................

Clip toenails

 

Zip pants

 

Unzip pants

 

Asked to bottle fed a pot bellied pig (( the pig flew under a insurance waiver of 5000.00) they like to eat carpet)) hard to make the pig stand still.) i tried

.

Put whiskey in a baby bottle (i did, please do not) for a 6 month old

 

Lick a stamp

 

Pull a dislocated shoulder (nope)

 

Walk on someone’s back (nope)

 

Cut 2 holes in a paper bag for a celebrity

 

Change a diaper

 

Ask to not go in the back due to sexual encounters, will knock when done. PS.. Was given a baby, told to take care of it, till said sexual encounter with not the woman’s husband was done.

 

Asked for water menu (california does this)

 

Shave the back of someone’s legs (nope)

 

Reapply makeup to a drunk person

 

Sit with a passenger who was going thru a bad divorce for 8 hours, no food service, only vodka

 

Asked to not look at the passenger on a 12 hours flight. had to put sunglasses on

 

Wake up a passenger when they had violent nightmares, 7 times in 8 hours - had to land in kansas for more vodka, went thru 3 bottles of grey goose.

 

Asked to go shoeless in cabin

 

While flying film maker with 8 dogs, asked if dogs could come out of their cages and roam the cabin

 

Asked to make a bed in the aisle, so passenger could sleep naked on floor with an apple.

 

Why do we do this job? Because everyday is different!

I attended a catering round table in Teterburo NJ at Flight Safety, which was put together by Marianne Pruner. It started at 10 ended with stuffed stomach by 230. The caterers this time were executive suites-NJ, Divine Catering-NJ and Executive catering on Elm-CT. Flight Safety would like to offer this free sessions every 6  weeks with new caterers highlighted.

It was not a bitch session as if it were, i would have driven to NYC and had lunch. I do not like to listen to people castigate one another. It ran pretty well. Caterers and flight attendants are working along together quite well in these hard economic times and it is great to see. They  will work with us, delivery charges are a thing of the past  on the most part. The food was very good, and if you have a recipe , they will make it for you. 

I used to be afraid of caterers, if I did not act right, I thought they would spit in my food or give me stale bagels. Not true. We are got on like we were at a good wedding. If you have a caterer you want highlighted, email me at bdwyer07@aol.com or if there is a topic that you want discussed, tell me.  It also is a good way to network and se who is working for whom, and what you should do if you are unemployed Only good things happened that day.   

So I keep getting theses yellow envelopes for peoples bank,multiple bile colored envelopes , total bounced check and returned check fees totaling 250.00. I asked the bank manager if I was going to be taken off to jail They do have lot of jails in ct. The women's jail is far worse than the mens. more bickering. probably no hormone  replacement, Xanax or tequila  there.

Being broke is sort of like a prison sentence. No freedom, no joy ,no national enquirer bought in the check out line. Now I read it and put it back. The cashier leers and says to herself, she must work for an aviation company. I used to love this aviation company, It was pristine, lovely and I was proud to be a part of its mechanisms. It will be great again too, but I cannot go back there. Too much history, like an old boyfriend, once hurt, I lie in wait for more disappointment.   It is never the same, i lay an broken woman. 

So back to talking about prison, if I did have to go. Would I have a roommate that I called Bitch? Would they pair me up with another flight attendant who wrote bad checks, or would I get a bank robber or a mass murderer? I would like the bank robber because, in this economy, i am going to need a new trade. Murder was thought of this week, but it is a messy occupation. Do they have a resume center there? Can I collect unemployment whilst living with my bitch? Can I get on Ameritrade? Do they have vegetarian fare? Church? Pilates? Coke machine? Quarters? Meditation classes? Only one phone call a day? Any thoughts?

Well, my last blog got some attention, right? Still waiting on the paycheck. It is overnighted. I hope it is not rubber. Had to cash in a Roth IRA, but through all of this..........I still can hug my son and smell his boy hair, and I know everything is and always will be okay.

Was this greed, mismanagement, economy, FAA, government? We will never know. I was taught, "whatever you do, do not hurt anyone" lessons. People have lost their credit rating, their home, their head up at the bank. It all sucks. I am not the same person now. My glory and hope sits on a lower rung now, and I wake up thinking that more bad news is coming my way - no way to live. I hope the check does not bounce this time, but I can guarantee you, it will be my last check earned from company XYZ.

I have a Migraine. I have not had one since i was 9 years old. I deposited my paycheck and vacation pay, total over 10,000.00. I wrote checks, i planned a vacation. i paid my credit cards off in advance. it as my final check from company XYZ. It is my layoff tribute check. Before unemployment kicks in. My mortgage, my car insurance, my hope of respite, my swan song check. bounced. I have no recourse or back up, all will  bounce. I do not borrow, and no one has any money anyway. You do not know where i work, but it is a sign of the times, go do something else. Get trained, flying is dried up! Camelot is over. My son asked me if we were broke, I SAID NO. NOT YET.

I CAN REPORT THEM TO THE LABOR DEPT AFTER 7 DAYS. Done. the pain and agony that they have caused me is insurmountable. But. i should have gotten out when the going was good. last year. The expenses are a joke. One pilot is owed 70.000.00. That is 1/4 of a house. They are not paying him. My question is this? can you afford to work for a company that you have to bankroll?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!.............I woke up this crisp winter morning and i was curled up under the down comforter in a pensive mood. Glad to say goodbye to 2008, it was my first holiday i have ever had, that i was laid off. This sort of took the shine off my pumpkin brithere and sistera, let me tell you. BUT. lemonade is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to do all the things i put off while flying.

1. Take better care of myself. vitamins, drink more water, have more fish, reintroduce a vegetable once in a while, and stop attacking the can of chocolate frosting at 3 am. Hormones!

2.  Take a writing class, i need one. That is obvious, right?

3. Hang more with my brother and sister. My brother is as funny as chevy chase and my sister takes a lot of heat for wearing those talbot sweaters with the santa on them. I have tattoos for god sakes, we are polar opposites and I love her.

4. Stop stressing about money, I lost most of it. I can always sell a kidney.

5. Take an asian fusion cooking class and a cuban cooking class.

6. Make plans to go stuff. I would always wander away when peoples would take out their planners. I could not commit

7. Road trips! I hate to fly on the "I DUNNO" airlines

8. Get a six pack

9. Electrocute myself if I have a negative thought

10. Let people see me vulnerable

11. Turn off the lights, detail my truck, and do not take too much shit.

12. Read more, go to movies instead of shopping

13. Sit in the park, hang with my animals.

14. Recycle

15. Read the new york times.

16. Be a better friend

17. Pedicure the gargoyle feet more

18. Church

19. Drive slower

20. Get off Nicorette gum

HAPPY NEW YEAR DANIEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ah, the holidays............ I had to drop an aircraft in Antigua, Guatemala. We had to commercial back. Our flight was to leave at 3 PM. It was delayed due to deicing. 2 hours. we board. ATC delays. 3 hours - flight attendants do not care. They gave me a customs form to fill out, they would not give out a pen. I asked what I should do, they said "that is not my problem" the aircraft was 30 percent full. There was paper all over the floor, they no longer service the lavatory, once in the AM and that is it - nice.

They gave us a steaming strange sandwich. unidentifiable, I was going to get CSI on it. They woke me up to prove i had my seatbelt on. They ran out of headsets. the coffee was really old. another 2 hour delay into Newark, NJ - no explanation. But I could see that the flaps were not coming down. nice. Then no gate , then we had to get towed in.

When I fly commercial, I should charge a fright fee when freelanced. I fell I am in a communist country and have no rights as a citizen. So what would have taken us 4.5 hours, took 9 hours. Will the owners who are selling, losing their jets be up to this task?

On a side note: Thanks for all your support this year and I wish each and every one of you a Happy Holidays.